tonight i think bright flight is my favorite silver jews album. (usually it’s starlite walker or american water though.) “slow education” is such a great song. a million classic lines scattered throughout. i feel like it might be berman’s most…well, i was going to say personal but i don’t mean it like personal to him, just personal in that it feels like it could be personal to someone; intimate, human, something like that.
i’ve started rolling my own cigarettes. it’ll save me a fair bit of money, i reckon. i went through my first bag of tobacco very very quickly, but i’m gonna blame that on the learning curve (for a while they were all either tiny or burnt like sloppy joints.) a good thing is that it also curbs my bent for chainsmoking; i’m satisfied after two, maybe three, as opposed to half a pack+. plus they’re just nice.
every time i see corduroy i think of the line from “black and brown” about it being like a hundred gutters for the rain to run down through. i don’t wear corduroy, though; don’t like the look of it.
one of these days i really need to get around to weaning myself off semicolons.
sometimes when i think of a way to explain/describe/express something that i’d been having trouble doing so for, i don’t know what to do with it. if i say it online then say it in conversation it feels…i dunno, slimy and self-congratulatory or something, and vice versa i feel that it might somehow cheapen the original exchange. occasionally i go self-referential and say something like “well, the way i always describe it is…”, but that feels smug and ridiculous so i hardly ever do it.
i’m not good at casually thanking strangers. when i thank people doing some kind of service, restaurants or stores or whatever, i tend to half-consciously take on this chipper tone which i really just mean to be polite but sometimes i think it sounds condescending or overly formal or something. when i pass people and they hold a door for me and stuff like that, i often say thanks halfway under my breath, whispery, almost with a bit of a hiss, like “thaYnKssss”, and it’s really just a nervous thing, the same reason i usually don’t make eye contact with them either, but i think the hisslike quality might make it sound too brisk. and when i try to make either more casual, it sounds forced to me and i feel silly.
whenever there’s sound or movement in my peripheries i have to turn and look, it’s like a reflex, takes a conscious effort not to; a door opening, somebody sitting down or getting up, somebody saying something a bit louder than the rest.
similarly, i observe the people around me compulsively. i’m pretty sure i’m staring a lot of the time—another part of it is that i tend to, over a period of time, hone in on a single area or thing and watch it more closely. it actually rarely has to do with the specific object or people, it’s just…i dunno, some kind of focusing in so i’m not looking around nonstop like a sprinkler. this too takes some effort to suppress. cellphones help. watching the steam rise off my coffee has also proven fairly effective.
i do really love steam/smoke/etc. when my grandmother was in the hospital a few years ago, we (the family members who were around) took turns sitting with her through the day, and if she was sleeping or whatever i’d watch the smoke coming off a smokestack on one of the adjacent buildings. i could watch smoke for hours. i find some micropleasure in every exhale from a cigarette. i can never predict it; sometimes it dances up and up until it dissolves into the black ether, others it’ll dissipate falling, the same way a handful of something would if you threw it except in ghostly slow-motion, others it’ll swirl around you, or break against you like a wave.
- tomesandtalismans likes this
- theredbackpack said: bright flight has always been my favorite jews album. i think the same line whenever i see someone wearing corduroy.
- imathers likes this
- murkytimeistimeschool posted this